Date With Destiny II
by Angry Warrior
Summary: A Continuation of Date With Destiny I, and here's the happy ending everyone looks for...
1. Chapter 1

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

1. A New Beginning

_I don't expect my love affairs to last for long __  
__Never fooled myself that my dreams would come true__  
__Being used to travel I anticipate it__  
__But all the same I hate it wouldn't you_

_So what happens now__  
__Another suitcase in another hall__  
__So what happens now__  
__Take your picture off another wall__  
__Where am I going to__  
__You'll get by you always have before__  
__Where am I going to_

_Time and time again I've said that I don't' care__  
__That I'm immune to gloom__  
__That I'm hard through and through__  
__But every time it matters all my words desert me__  
__So anyone can hurt me, and they do_

_So what happens now__  
__Another suitcase in another hall__  
__So what happens now__  
__Take your picture off another wall__  
__Where am I going to__  
__You'll get by you always have before__  
__Where am I going to_

_Call in three months time and I'll be fine I know__  
__Well maybe not that fine but I'll survive anyhow__  
__I won't recall the names and places of each sad__  
__occasion__  
__But that's no consolation here and now_

_So what happens now__  
__Another suitcase in another hall__  
__So what happens now__  
__Take your picture off another wall__  
__Where am I going to__  
__You'll get by you always have before__  
__Where am I going to_

_Don't ask anymore_ (9)

I made a mistake three months ago that will change my love forever…if only I had thought of the consequences of my actions beforehand…

Two months later…

Kathryn arrived at her sister's house in Indiana. As much as she had moved all over the place, her sister had resisted, and stayed where she was always safe and warm. Kathryn Janeway showed up on her sister's doorstep five months after leaving Chakotay, it had taken her nearly that long to deal and come to terms with the consequences of her foolish actions that day. She rang the doorbell, and heard someone coming to the door.

A tall man about 30 answered the door. This must be her husband. What am I thinking?

"Hello? Can I help you with something?" He looked at this woman, there was something familiar about her, she looked like someone he knew or should know.

Kathryn pulled her coat to her tighter, despite the heat; she wore a coat that covered her deep dark secret. Her skeleton in the closet. "I'm Kathryn Janeway," she could see the comprehension in his eyes, the understanding. "I'm Phoebe's sister."

His jaw dropped, he quickly closed his mouth. This was the long lost sister. The one that had been presumed dead, the ghost come to haunt their lives. It  
had taken Phoebe months to get over her disappearance and assumed death. She had nerve, coming here after all this time. "What do you want? Do you have any idea how much pain you've caused us?"

Kathryn hadn't even thought about the fact that her presence might be unwanted. She had always assumed, when she did return, that she would be welcomed, by her family at least with open arms, never with a cold shoulder. "I'm sorry, maybe this is a bad time."

The man in front of her was outraged. "Bad time? There isn't a good time. Phoebe hoped and prayed that you were alive for months, years, and when you finally come back, you disappear. How can you just waltz in her like none of these years had gone by?"

Kathryn felt the tears welling up behind her eyelids. She was unsure of how to answer this pained man in front of her, possibly her only link to her sister,  
whom she still loved so much after all this time. "Just tell her I'm okay. Will you do that for mer?"

She saw the hatred in the man's eyes. At least she found love.

"I'll see what I can do. I'm not making any promises, you're one chapter in Phoebe's life she has closed and dealt with. You're one Pandora's box I'm not sure we're ready to reopen again."

Kathryn felt as if she was losing her last link to reality and to her life. Her hand slowly wandered to the small swell where Chakotay's child lay. "Please? Just consider it." Her hand dropped at her side as she felt her life shatter before her very eyes.

The man in front of her closed the door on her; the last thing she saw was his pitying look. She had become a stranger in life, and an object of pity. Some day…


	2. Chapter 2

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

2. A Request Granted

Kathryn had left Phoebe's house and in a week hadn't left the motel room where she was staying. She lay back in her bed and ran her hand over her  
five-month-old fetus. What have I done?

She knew that tomorrow she would get up and go to see Tom and B'Elanna. She had heard of the tragic death of their daughter. No one deserved to be in, and live with, the pain and sorrow that had occurred to her crew. Yet, they lived on; the ones who had survived the Dominion battle. As the war had waged on, she had read the casualty reports day in and day out, reading  
the names of fallen comrades and friends. So much had happened in so little time. So many people gone from her life; so many others entered.

She looked down as she felt her child kick her. She had stayed low key throughout her pregnancy; she had wanted this to stay a private affair. At her three month checkup, she had learned that the child she carried was a girl, maybe a child with her father's dark skin and hair. No matter what, she hoped this daughter inherited her father's keep obsidian eyes, the ones with an understanding beyond their years. She felt a tear slip down her cheek. Tomorrow she would find out if they would accept her daughter into their  
lives…tomorrow.

The next day, she awoke early in the hopes of catching them before they made too much of their day. She put on a loose, flowing dress. One that had been altered but, she had worn on New Earth; his favorite dress. She threw her large coat over top. It wouldn't be long before she could no longer hide, or deny, the fact that she carried a child within her womb. She went down to the hotel lobby and checked out, never to be seen by any of the strangers who had shared her space for a week again.

/\/\

Kathryn arrived at the Paris' house around 9 am. She hoped she wasn't waking them, or interrupting anything. She knocked on the door and waited for a response. Soon the door opened to reveal Tom Paris, who looked as if he had just woken up, sleep not yet cleared from his clear blue eyes which almost mirrored her own in their color.

"Kathryn?" Tom couldn't believe it. Their long lost captain had returned.

"Yeah Tom. It's me. Is B'Elanna home?"

Tom looked at her one last time, making sure that his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. "Yeah, she's getting breakfast ready. Have you eaten?"

Kathryn blushed thinking about how she really should be eating more in her condition. "Not yet Tom. I'm sorry to interrupt, I don't know what I was thinking coming here at this hour on a Sunday…"

"No." Tom grabbed her hand as she turned to flee the Paris home. "No, why don't you come on in, have something to eat…I'm sure we have some coffee around her somewhere."

Coffee. Now there's something I haven't had since I found I was pregnant. Months of hiding and of moving had taken their toll, Kathryn knew she looked pale and thin, despite her problem.

"Okay, Tom. I'll come in. I have a request for you two. I need you both to hear me out, let me finish before you say anything. Please, for old times' sake."

Tom sensed something was bothering her, and her words just confirmed his suspicions. "Sure Kathryn, anything. Come on in."

He led her to the kitchen. "Why don't you give me your coat and I'll hang it up for you."

Kathryn tensed up and felt like a deer caught in the headlights. "No thanks, Tom. I'm a little cold. Maybe later."

Was that fear he saw in Kathryn's eyes? He left it alone. She was behaving strangely, but who was he to say anything to her. If she was cold so be it, but he had a feeling that there was something more going on. He brought her into the living room and let her sit herself down on the couch. B'Elanna walked into the room.

"Kathryn? Oh my god, is it really you? We thought something horrible had happened to you. It's been so long."

Before Kathryn realized what was happening B'Elanna ran up to her and pulled her into a huge bear hug. B'Elanna gasped. "Kathryn…"

Kathryn fell silent and nodded, tears threatening to spill over her lower lids. At the same time though she felt a sense of release at not having to hide, even if it was for only a minute. Kathryn removed her coat, and revealed her protruding abdomen to those around her. "Life hasn't been the easiest, I guess. I'm here to ask you something that's really important to me."

B'Elanna nodded and Tom finally found his voice again. Kathryn let the tears roll down her cheeks, for once letting go of everything. She told them of the  
trials of the months after Voyager. Of her life, of the child's parentage. Of the choices she had made and the situationsshe had just begun to deal with when she discovered she was pregnant. She looked keep into B'Elanna's eyes, and then Tom's.

"I could never have murdered this child B'Elanna, but I have been hiding this pregnancy. I need you to keep it to yourselves. I have a friend a Starfleet medical who has been helping me out in private." She took in a deep breath and hesitated. Now or never. "I love this baby already, but I'm not ready to be a mother yet. There are too many things I need to deal with. I don't feel I could provide a stable environment for this child. I need…" This was the hardest thing she had ever done. She only hoped they would agree. "I need  
someone to take care of my daughter, and I would really like it to be the two of you. I think you two could provide her a stable home and family in my  
absence. Please?"

They saw the pleading in her eyes. Tom turned to B'Elanna, and no words were needed. This woman who had done so much for them over the years was asking for something in return, how could they deny her? B'Elanna  
moved to sit beside Kathryn. She reached a tentative had out and at Kathryn's nod of ascent placed it on her belly. "How could we not help you out? After all you've done for us."

Kathryn smiled, the first real since their return to the Alpha Quadrant and Earth. "Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me." She stood up. "I need to go. There are some things that I need to do before she comes," Kathryn patted her stomach.

They nodded their understanding and watched her walk out of their lives for a second time in less than a year. "Kathryn, take care. See you in a few months."


	3. Chapter 3

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

3. Another Journey

Kathryn had left the Paris' house. She had to before she backed out. She knew that she loved the baby she carried but she couldn't provide her with the environment every child should grow up in. Not while she was plagued with these selfish thoughts and feelings that she had delt with before and continued to deal with. She had departed after making it clear as to why she needed them to take care of her child, and that she would be back shortly after the child's birth.

She was on her way to Vulcan where Tuvok had told her she could remain until the child's birth. The doctor who had been assisting her at Starfleet medical was studying at the Vulcan Institute of Medicine at the moment, so the location and timing were perfect. Kathryn only hoped she could keep the press and the media from knowing all that had occurred in her life since Voyager. The last thing she needed was the rumor-hungry media tearing down what little bits she had left of her life. She had but hours until her home for the next four months would come into view. It had indeed been a long time since she had been to Vulcan, and since she had seen Tuvok. She had heard that he and T'Pel had moved on together. That, luckily, despite their differences and their distance, they had stayed true to each other. Kathryn was glad she still had friends. The loss of her soul mate had been hard enough, but then, her rejection by her brother-in-law, and the fact that she had decided to give up her only link to Chakotay…it was all too much. Kathryn sat on the transport with the only other passenger, a Bolian named Grullk. He seemed innocent enough; a nice person offering a helping hand, and he had no idea who she was. So, she sat back and recounted her story, of the child's father and everything after. She had needed to speak of it; she had needed to get it out of her system.

When they arrived at Vulcan two hours later, she thanked the wonderful man and left the convoy. She headed for Tuvok's house and her new life and, quite possibly, the read to self-discovery and healing. She walked through the streets of the small Vulcan city that was beautiful and hot. She was a little  
uncomfortable considering the heat, but she was more comfortable in other ways. No one knew who she was; no one knew of her past life. Here she could be an unknown, a woman expecting a child and living in bliss. She had decided that she would give birth to the child and then she would give her away. She had decided on this course of action but could she do it? Could she give up a child she had nurtured for nine months in her womb? Could she give up a person who had been so much a part of her for so long? Could she…

She stopped and sat on a bench. She let a sole tear run down her cheek. She had to. She had decided, and once Kathryn Janeway decided upon something, she did it. No questions, no indecision…but was this Kathryn Janeway, or Captain Janeway? If she kept this child could she give her the life she deserved? Was it right? Kathryn knew the answers to all her questions; she just had to accept them. She would enjoy her pregnancy and her few days as a mother while they existed. Kathryn felt the child kick, her child. It was then that she realized she would always be a mother to this child no matter what. This was her child, part of her life, no matter where she was and what she was doing. By giving this child to Tom and B'Elanna, she was giving her a precious gift. A life without doubt, without worry and without hardships she  
would endure as the daughter of Kathryn Janeway. She knew what she had to do.

She got up and proceeded to Tuvok's dwelling. She rang the doorbell, heard a chime that was an ancient Vulcan prayer, watched the door open and the face of one of her oldest and dearest friends appear.

He opened the door. He had sensed her presence before he saw her. He had no idea why she had asked to be a part of his life for the months ahead. She had told him that everything would become apparent once she arrived. He saw her protruding abdomen. Felt the turmoil of her emotions and knew. "Hello Kathryn. It's been too long."

She walked inside the house and her new life began.


	4. Chapter 4

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

4. Emergence & Abolishment

Kathryn immersed herself in a land without emotion. She had thought that living in an environment where emotion had been abolished was the answer. Without emotions she could not feel; without feelings, she could not experience. Problem was, every time her child kicked she felt a sense of pride. Every time she had an ache brought on by the pregnancy, her thoughts  
went back to life with this child, and the loneliness without her…and every time she felt alone, she thought of Chakotay. Could she do this? Did she have a choice? Was she that strong?

They walked through the streets of Amora, the city on Vulcan where Tuvok lived. He had been a gracious host; he had lived up to all expectations she had had of him. Now nearing her seventh month, Kathryn was getting heavy with child, and he now wondered if he had been correct in housing her during these precious months. She had not told him who the child's father was, but he knew. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had sense the tension between the two of them during their years on Voyager, and he had always known that one day it would come to blows. He had always known, and he knew now. He had half a mind to contact Captain Chakotay and tell him where Kathryn was, but he could not betray her confidence. She was one of his oldest and dearest friends, and she had helped him more times than he could count. She had gone after him when no one else would have. And now, when she asked this little thing in return, he could not deny her. He cared for her, and wondered about her well-being. He also asked himself if she could live without the child she carried. He knew of her plan to give the child up,  
but he had a feeling that this decision was one based on fear. Kathryn Janeway had never been one to cave under pressure of fright, but no one, but no one, not even the great Kathryn Janeway could take the hardships she had endured, and he had no doubts in his mind that Kathryn had just about reached her breaking point.

/\/\

Chakotay had not heard from Kathryn since she had left him that message those seven months ago. Since the day she had told him she could not deal with him and she had walked out of his life forever. He had searched for her, but had not found her. He had looked to the ends of the earth for her, but had not had any luck in locating her. He feared the worst and prayed wherever she was that she was well. Even if they were not together he needed to know she was all right.

That night he contacted his spirit guide, and walked through the forest where his quest had left him. He recognized the forest…it was New Earth. He knew that whenever he saw the planet from all those years ago, it represented something to do with Kathryn. He saw his spirit guide, the gray she-wolf; she lay silent and refused to speak to him. She merely pointed a path. He followed the path cleared in the underbrush unsure of what to find. He sensed a soul lost, and saw a small animal. It was a small green lizard; he was wounded. Chakotay picked the little animal up and felt the steady pulse. Kathryn is alive. Yes the animal bled.

He sent out a prayer, let her be all right. Kathryn let me help you. He was smiled upon by the wolf, and he knew eventually that all would be well, or so he hoped.

Kathryn went on, and on and on as she always did. She spent her life going on, making herself believe that she was okay even if she wasn't. Kathryn had to believe that. She had lived a life full of ambitions, but lonely. Those who could not handle her, those who could not deal with her ambitions, those who had loved her and whom she had let go.

Kathryn was lonely, and for the first time in her life she was realizing that it didn't have to be that way; that there had always been someone, someone she could let in but many times she didn't. She needed to find that someone to love, but when she thought about it…he had always been right there, before her very eyes, she just hadn't been able to see it, or she hadn't let herself see it. Kathryn Janeway had not fallen, she had tripped, and now it was time for her to stumble to her feet and make her life hers again. The Captain was no longer, but Kathryn was here, as Kathryn had always been. She was more than the sum of her parts for the first time in a long time she was realizing just that. Kathryn would prevail.

/\/\

Chakotay looked at the lizard he had been holding, nurturing for a good three hours in the spirit realm. All of a sudden the color cam back, and the lizard looked like it had started on the road to health. Kathryn would prevail…


	5. Chapter 5

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

5. The Moment of Truth

Kathryn was getting near. She had seen the doctor that day and was told that the child had moved low in her pelvis; it was only a matter of time. She was not due for another two weeks, but the doctor had said that with Kathryn's small size, and the large size of the baby, the child just might arrive early. So she waited.

She woke up the next morning to a knock at the door. She opened the door to her room to see Tuvok standing there. She was confused, what would he want?

"Hello Kathryn."

She looked at him, into him. "Hello, Tuvok. It's early, is there something I can do for you?" She scrutinized him for a long time, her arms securely and  
protectively around her child.

"May I speak with you for a moment?"

"Of course. What did you need?"

Tuvok wasn't sure how to begin. He had his wife in the other room. He had discussed it with her the night before. He had told her of Kathryn's plans to give the child up. She had told him of the bond she had shared with each of their children, and how she would not have been able to give them up. For a human with very real emotions to live with it would be far worse. Tuvok had nodded his assent and knew what he needed to do. T'Pel had volunteered to speak to her, but Tuvok had said no. He had been Kathryn Janeway's friend and counsel for too long to let someone else have this talk with her. He supposed if he had been human he would have loved her in a way only friends can. He cared for her deeply and wished for nothing but the best for this woman who had so become a part of his life in more ways than one. So he had gone to see her the next morning to talk with her. To lend a shoulder  
to cry on; to lend an ear to listen.

Tuvok looked at her. "I need you to tell me that you are sure what you are doing is in the best interest of you and the child you carry."

Kathryn was unsure what to say. For the firs time she was speechless. "Of course it's for the best. I'm not ready to take care of a child. Tom and B'Elanna will provide a much more stable home for her than I ever could." Tuvok watched as Kathryn rubbed almost hypnotic circles over her distended abdomen. "I will always love her, but I'm not the right one to care for her. Not now anyway."

Tuvok knew this would kill her but he also knew he needed to ask. Needed to get this out in the open. "What of the father? Does he not wish contact with the child?"

Kathryn's head whipped up and she stared right at him. He knew that look. That was the Captain's look. The protectiveness she had demonstrated for her crew all those years in the Delta Quadrant. "Leave him out of this. He has no say, no claim to my child."

Tuvok reached out a hand and placed it on her belly. He felt the child's unrest. He looked at her and read her emotions. He felt her uneasiness at the decision she had made, but he also felt her stubbornness and knew that she would proceed with the adoption no matter what. Just yesterday he had gotten a communiqué from Earth. B'Elanna was with child. Anyone who would look at the family would know one of the children was not the Paris'. He knew, everyone knew. Tuvok hoped one day Kathryn would not end up regretting her decision. He knew that if she did, it would kill her and it would kill the father too. He had tried and failed and wondered if it was time to get Chakotay involved. He knew she needed him, and soon, before the final decision was made, and their lives were irrevocably changed forever.


	6. Chapter 6

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

6. Another New Beginning

Kathryn was furious. Even Tuvok had betrayed her. Why did everyone want her and Chakotay to get together? Why was everyone so sure it would work, that they would be right together? Because they know what I know; and am too afraid to admit.

"How dare you say that to me Tuvok. After everything, how dare you ask me if this is right? I know what's right for my child and I know what's right for me."

Kathryn had tears streaming down her cheeks. "Why must everyone ask me if I'm doing the right thing? When I was the Captain, no one even questioned my decisions. Now that the pips are gone, everyone just feel free to walk all over me. Feel free to question me. Feel free to go against my wishes." Kathryn knew she was being irrational, but it was too much. It felt good to let it all go for once.

Tuvok approached her and enveloped her in his arms. It was an odd gesture to him. He was surprised to feel nothing for her, but in the depths of his soul there was an inkling of a feeling of compassion for this poor woman who had been in many ways cheated out of everything she had worked for her whole life. "It will be okay Kathryn. Just let it out."

Those words sounded strange to Kathryn's ears coming from Tuvok. If they had come from Chakotay's mouth she wouldn't have thought twice but this was her Vulcan Commander speaking. Kathryn you must really be a mess,  
you've got the Vulcan worried about you. She cried for what felt like hours. Then finally Tuvok spoke.

"Kathryn, I just need to make sure you are positive about what you are doing."

Kathryn couldn't believe it. After all those hours of crying, after him seeing her vulnerable state, he still asked her these questions. It was absurd. Kathryn, if twenty people think one thing, and you think something else, which one of you is most likely to be right? "I'll make it, I always do." She was furious.

Tuvok watched her turn to leave the room, since he refused to leave as she had asked, and saw the puddle forming at her feet. "Kathryn…"

Kathryn looked down and saw the fluid enveloping her feet and everything around. Oh god, can I do this? Then she felt a searing pain ripple through her  
abdomen starting at her back. She involuntarily cried out in shock and surprise at the intensity of the pain. She leaned against the wall and slid to the  
floor.

The moment of truth had arrived…

/\/\

Chakotay watched as the small lizard writhed in pain. Yet, he felt a level of satisfaction coming from the small creature. The condition was a puzzle and puzzles were meant to be solved, so he waited. Waited for a clue to be given, or an answer to appear.

/\/\

Tuvok led Kathryn to the bed, where she would lay in wait for her friend to arrive from the Vulcan Institute of Medicine. He waited; he waited for Kathryn's savior, thinking that in the time it took her to get to his residence, Kathryn would reconsider her decision to give the child up. He knew deep down, that his thoughts were for naught, for Kathryn would do as she pleased and as she saw fit no matter what the consequences to her. This was who she was, and the bad came with the good, and without them, without the whole, Kathryn would not be who she was.

/\/\

The lizard slowly quieted, and the harsh brutal movements slowed. Kathryn was reaching her goal; the end was growing near.

/\/\

Three hours later, Kathryn lay in bed, no closer than she has been for the past hours. Her contractions were coming every two minutes and lasting nearly sixty seconds. She wasn't sure how much more she could take, but she endured. She wanted to feel the pain; she wanted to feel this child. If she could, maybe she could deal with her decision.

Tuvok watched as Kathryn suffered through the labor. He knew the pain she must be in, he had 'felt' it while his wife had struggled to free his children from her body. The Vulcan link of the mind was used to ease the burden and the pain of a woman in labor. Perhaps he could do the same for Kathryn Janeway, but the real question was if she would accept his offer of assistance.

Tuvok reached out. "Let me meld with you, Kathryn. Let me take some of the pain away."

Kathryn looked up at him. "This is mine. I have to feel it. I have to suffer through it; I have to suffer for what I've done." She cried out as another contraction hit.

Kathryn heard the door chime, she knew that the time was near. Natalie Ambrose, her friend had arrived. She heard Tuvok discuss her condition with Natalie and listened as they proceeded to her room.

"Let's see what we have here. Hello Kathryn, how're you doing?"

Kathryn smiled a weak smile but a smile none-the-less. "Let's see, I've been in labor for almost five hours, the contractions are coming almost on top of each other and…" Kathryn got a frantic look on her face. "Oh my god…I need to, I have to…"

"You have to push?" The doctor approached her quickly. "Let me just check you out Kathryn. Then we'll see what we can do." The doctor moved closer and examined her. "Okay Kathryn, you're fully dilated, you can push whenever you're ready." The doctor watched and knew she was pushing with all her might. "Good Kathryn, that was a good one."

Over the next half hour, Kathryn suffered through the contractions and pushed for all she was worth. She was bound that she was going to do this on her own. She was going to do this without any medication, without anything to dull the feeling of her daughter being brought into the world. Kathryn felt the biggest contraction of all encompassing her and she bore down with all her might.

The doctor watched the woman in front of her. Kathryn Janeway would never cease to amaze her. She had known Kathryn for more than 10 years. They had gone through the academy together, they had lived together in  
residence for year as well. "Alright Kathryn, I can see the head. Just a few more pushes and you should be done. You can do this."

Kathryn reached up and wiped the sweat from her forehead and felt the urge once again. She pushed with all her might and delivered the child's head.

"One more push Kathryn, and it'll all be over."

Kathryn pushed one last time and brought her daughter into the world. She didn't hear the crying, and she started to worry. "Is everything all right?"

Natalie cleaned the infant off and held her up for her mother to see. "She's just fine Kathryn. Weighing in at 8lbs 2oz. What are you going to name her?"

Kathryn had been thinking about what to name her daughter for nearly 8 months. She had thought maybe something to honor Chakotay, but then decided that it would be too obvious, considering her coloring and their shared past. So she had chosen a name for her daughter tha she had found appealing. "This will be Kearstin Michaela Janeway."

Natalie looked at Kathryn holding the infant close."What a beautiful name. Everything looks fine Kathryn. I'm going to go now. I want to see the two of you in a week for your check up. Call me if you need anything."

Kathryn had tears in her eyes. "I will, I promise."

Tuvok watched the new family and he knew that giving her up would hurt Kathryn. He hoped that seeing the child would make the decision to keep the child more obvious and more plausible but he somehow doubted it. Kathryn, I hope you can live with whatever decision you make.

Tuvok thought about it, and decided it was time to contact someone who could help, but contacting Chakotay would be too obvious. So the Paris' were  
contacted that night, told of the child's birth, and informed of Tuvok's assessment of the situation. They knew too, and it was only a matter of time before all would be returned to the way it should be.


	7. Chapter 7

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

7. Interference

Kathryn stared at the dark obsidian orbs of her daughter, the eyes that reminded her so much of her father. Kathryn knew that if she looked for too long; if she searched for much longer, she would fall in love all over again and she would not be able to let go. Kathryn felt the tears start anew. She was going to lose her too, but it was her own choice. Kathryn handed the infant to Tuvok. "Her Tuvok. Can you please place her in the bassinet?"

Tuvok took the infant and marched to the front of the house where the bassinet stood. It was not near Kathryn's room, and he knew that she was already distancing herself from the fragile and very much innocent being she had brought into the world. I give a Vulcan prayer to you Kathryn Janeway, that you find peace in all your journeys.

/\/\

Tom sat and stared in wonderment at B'Elanna. At four months, she was beginning to show the signs of pregnancy. Her belly was beginning to round with the child she held, and he remembered earlier days, joyous days before Katie's birth. Let's hope this story has a happier ending. They had received a message from Tuvok telling of the birth of Kearstin, Kathryn's daughter.  
They also knew of the child's parentage and were willing to take the child. It was better with them, that way if her mind ever changed, her thoughts  
towards the child ever altered she would be in a position to retake a place in her daughter's life.

Kathryn, I hope you find happiness.

/\/\

Kathryn took care of the child for two weeks at Tuvok's home. She held the child when she could, but avoided making herself love this child to much for  
before long she would no longer be hers to have and to hold. She had made a package for the child, if she ever wondered of her parentage, she would know.

A week after her birth, Kathryn had gone to a Vulcan master and had Kearstin branded, something that would always be there, that would always remind her of who she was, and from where she came. Kathryn had had a  
tattoo placed on Kearstin's delicate porcelain skin. She had herself marked as well. She had placed an insignia on her own lower back; the flower emblem that Chakotay had first viewed while on New Earth, mixed with the Starfleet emblem of her day. It was a reminder of who she had been and who she would always be.

On her daughter's back she had placed the mark of Chakotay's tribe mixed with the tattoo that Kathryn had received. In the traditions of his people, she had forever claimed the child as theirs despite her misgivings and the fact that she would not grow up with either parent.

So two weeks after the child's birth, Kathryn was once again on the road headed for Earth. She had approached Tuvok just this morning and said she would be on her way. She had thanked him and told him that she would be around, not to worry about her.

"Tuvok, it's time for me to keep going."

Tuvok stared into the crystal clear blue orbs of Kathryn Janeway and asked the question that had been nagging him for days now. "Will you keep the child with you?"

Kathryn looked down at the little bundle she held as if she was the most precious stone on the planet. "No. I'll stop by Earth and drop her with Tom and B'Elanna, and they'll take care of her. After the tragedy of Kate, they said they'd be more than happy to take Kearstin."

Tuvok watched Kathryn leave, and hoped he had done all he could to help her on her way. He had not told Kathryn of B'Elanna's impending motherhood, but he now knew that she would see soon enough. Maybe that would make Kathryn see the errors in her ways. Goodbye Kathryn Janeway, may you be safe and happy wherever you are.

/\/\

Kathryn had boarded the transport early that day. Despite everything, despite the love she held for her child, she was still convinced she could not provide  
the life that the child needed. So she once again ran away…she was always running. Something that had once not even been considered an option was now a way of life. Where did I go wrong?

She was alone on the freighter except for a lone Bolian who seemed to be watching her. Kathryn knew she was imaging things a got up to go for the washroom to feed the child. Maybe one day she would finally find happiness.

The Bolian watched Kathryn Janeway, the woman he had been instructed to watch. So he waited. He had noticed that she was with child on the transport up to Vulcan. Now he watched as she went to nurse the child. He wondered why she had moved from Earth to give birth and why his employer wanted this plain human woman watched with such intensity. He didn't know, neither  
did he care. He was here to perform a job and when he was done, he would be paid generously, and he would be on his way. He never wondered much about any of his assignments, but this time, the woman looked familiar. Like the shadow of someone he knew from somewhere, and he wondered why? From where did he know this woman? And, why did it matter? There was something about her that demanded attention. No matter, he would find out  
soon enough…he hoped. If not he would go about his business and life would go on for all of them.

Kathryn finished nursing the child and proceeded to her seat. The child was asleep so she placed her in the secured basinet she had acquired on Vulcan. She tucked the bundle she had created for the child in the compartment in the bottom of the bassinet. The bundle included things from her life and things of his; things to help remember them both. After she was sure the child was safe and sound, she leaned back, hoping to get a couple of hours of sleep. They would arrive at Earth in approximately five hours and she needed to get some sleep before she met Tom and B'Elanna and her life changed forever.


	8. Chapter 8

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

8. Changes

Kathryn stared at the dark obsidian orbs of her daughter, the eyes that reminded her so much of her father. Kathryn knew that if she looked for too long; if she searched for much longer, she would fall in love all over again and she would not be able to let go. Kathryn felt the tears start anew. She was going to lose her too, but it was her own choice. Kathryn handed the infant to Tuvok. "Her Tuvok. Can you please place her in the bassinet?"

Tuvok took the infant and marched to the front of the house where the bassinet stood. It was not near Kathryn's room, and he knew that she was already distancing herself from the fragile and very much innocent being she had brought into the world. I give a Vulcan prayer to you Kathryn Janeway, that you find peace in all your journeys.

/\/\

Tom sat and stared in wonderment at B'Elanna. At four months, she was beginning to show the signs of pregnancy. Her belly was beginning to round with the child she held, and he remembered earlier days, joyous days before Katie's birth. Let's hope this story has a happier ending. They had received a message from Tuvok telling of the birth of Kearstin, Kathryn's daughter.  
They also knew of the child's parentage and were willing to take the child. It was better with them, that way if her mind ever changed, her thoughts  
towards the child ever altered she would be in a position to retake a place in her daughter's life.

Kathryn, I hope you find happiness.

/\/\

Kathryn took care of the child for two weeks at Tuvok's home. She held the child when she could, but avoided making herself love this child to much for  
before long she would no longer be hers to have and to hold. She had made a package for the child, if she ever wondered of her parentage, she would know.

A week after her birth, Kathryn had gone to a Vulcan master and had Kearstin branded, something that would always be there, that would always remind her of who she was, and from where she came. Kathryn had had a  
tattoo placed on Kearstin's delicate porcelain skin. She had herself marked as well. She had placed an insignia on her own lower back; the flower emblem that Chakotay had first viewed while on New Earth, mixed with the Starfleet emblem of her day. It was a reminder of who she had been and who she would always be.

On her daughter's back she had placed the mark of Chakotay's tribe mixed with the tattoo that Kathryn had received. In the traditions of his people, she had forever claimed the child as theirs despite her misgivings and the fact that she would not grow up with either parent.

So two weeks after the child's birth, Kathryn was once again on the road headed for Earth. She had approached Tuvok just this morning and said she would be on her way. She had thanked him and told him that she would be around, not to worry about her.

"Tuvok, it's time for me to keep going."

Tuvok stared into the crystal clear blue orbs of Kathryn Janeway and asked the question that had been nagging him for days now. "Will you keep the child with you?"

Kathryn looked down at the little bundle she held as if she was the most precious stone on the planet. "No. I'll stop by Earth and drop her with Tom and B'Elanna, and they'll take care of her. After the tragedy of Kate, they said they'd be more than happy to take Kearstin."

Tuvok watched Kathryn leave, and hoped he had done all he could to help her on her way. He had not told Kathryn of B'Elanna's impending motherhood, but he now knew that she would see soon enough. Maybe that would make Kathryn see the errors in her ways. Goodbye Kathryn Janeway, may you be safe and happy wherever you are.

/\/\

Kathryn had boarded the transport early that day. Despite everything, despite the love she held for her child, she was still convinced she could not provide  
the life that the child needed. So she once again ran away…she was always running. Something that had once not even been considered an option was now a way of life. Where did I go wrong?

She was alone on the freighter except for a lone Bolian who seemed to be watching her. Kathryn knew she was imaging things a got up to go for the washroom to feed the child. Maybe one day she would finally find happiness.

The Bolian watched Kathryn Janeway, the woman he had been instructed to watch. So he waited. He had noticed that she was with child on the transport up to Vulcan. Now he watched as she went to nurse the child. He wondered why she had moved from Earth to give birth and why his employer wanted this plain human woman watched with such intensity. He didn't know, neither  
did he care. He was here to perform a job and when he was done, he would be paid generously, and he would be on his way. He never wondered much about any of his assignments, but this time, the woman looked familiar. Like the shadow of someone he knew from somewhere, and he wondered why? From where did he know this woman? And, why did it matter? There was something about her that demanded attention. No matter, he would find out  
soon enough…he hoped. If not he would go about his business and life would go on for all of them.

Kathryn finished nursing the child and proceeded to her seat. The child was asleep so she placed her in the secured basinet she had acquired on Vulcan. She tucked the bundle she had created for the child in the compartment in the bottom of the bassinet. The bundle included things from her life and things of his; things to help remember them both. After she was sure the child was safe and sound, she leaned back, hoping to get a couple of hours of sleep. They would arrive at Earth in approximately five hours and she needed to get some sleep before she met Tom and B'Elanna and her life changed forever.


	9. Chapter 9

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

9. More Changes

It begins where it ends. In nothingness. A nightmare born from deepest fears, coming to me unguarded. Whispered images unlocked from time and distance. A soul unbound, touched by others but never held. On a course uncharted by some unseen hand. The journey ahead promising more than my past reflected back upon me. Until at last I reach the end. Facing the truth I  
can no longer deny. Alone, as ever.

I left my home, my life…only to have my carefully laid plans backfire and my precariously constructed strands unravel.

Kathryn left Earth, and everything that was and had been her from the beginning. Where she was going even she didn't know, but life would go on as it always did.

Tom and B'Elanna sat by the view screen and listened to the Bolian talk of his tale and how he had, in the end, found Kathryn Janeway. It had apparently not been an easy task.

"This woman is stubborn. She is hell-bent on doing things her way and only her way."

B'Elanna let out a chuckle. "Yes and that's what got us home."

"Maybe, but it sure as hell made my life more difficult. So what did you need me to do now?"

B'Elanna looked at Tom. "Why don't you go get Harry, he's probably hungry. Feed him and I'll get the rest of the plan straightened out."

Tom knew that look. "Yes ma'am. Tell me when you're done." He could have sworn she had learned to glare at people like that from Kathryn Janeway. It didn't matter though. She commanded presence, just like  
Kathryn, and so Tom left the room.

B'Elanna turned back to the man. "I need you to track and find Captain Chakotay. It's really important, and I need it done preferably before this little one," B'Elanna patted her stomach, "makes her appearance."

"Alright, I think I can do that, but why is it so important that I find these two and track them. There has to be a reason."

B'Elanna thought about it. "Because they saved me more times than I can count. They gave me a second chance when everyone else would have thrown me out an airlock. Because I love them both for what they've done for me, and I owe this to them."

"Alright B'Elanna…but you owe me."

B'Elanna grinned. "Whatever you want, just give me some warning. Torres out."

Tom heard B'Elanna approaching the kitchen. "So…did you get your plan all organized?"

"Of course Tom, do I ever do things half-way?" She got a dreamy look in her eyes. "So Tom, do you want a boy or a girl?" She was rubbing hypnotic circles over her ever-expanding middle."

"Well we already have a boy, a girl would be nice."

B'Elanna felt herself losing control. "We had a girl too Tom. Don't you remember her? And we still have to take care of little Kearstin if my plan doesn't work out."

Tom pulled her close. "Everything will be fine B'Elanna. We won't lose this baby. Katie's death was a tragedy, but we have to get past that. Live for now,  
not for yesterday. Now let's think about what we'll say to Chakotay when we get him on the comm. system. Let's think about names for this baby. Let's think of happy days."

B'Elanna couldn't help but laugh at his optimism. "But how do you know Tom? How do you know I won't lose this baby? How do you know she'll be okay?"

"I know because whatever power is out there wouldn't put us through that twice. I have to believe that." He looked into her eyes. "She B'Elanna? Well now, I know what you're hoping for."

B'Elanna covered her mouth with her hands. "Did I give it away? I'm so sorry, Tom. I know you wanted to be surprised but it came up at the physical, and I…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…"

He took her once more in his arms. "It's okay honey. No problem, at least now the list of names gets shortened."

They erupted into laughter, then stood in comfortable silence until Harry decided he wanted to play and awoke them from their reverie.

/\/\

Chakotay was sitting and thinking. What did it mean? He had seen Kathryn's spirit guide on one occasion for a prolonged period of time, and then nothing. He had disappeared along with Kathryn. There was nothing left of the once strong woman he had known and loved. She had simply disappeared. Strange…

It began with an act of supreme violence. A big-bang expanding ever outward, cosmos born of matter and gas. Matter and gas, ten billion years ago. Who's idea was this? Who had the audacity for such invention? And the reason? Were we part of that plan ten billion years ago? Are we born only to die?

What is the purpose Kathryn? You come into my life only to leave. You love me only to stop…do we all live only to die?

To be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth before giving way to our generations. If there is a beginning, must there be an end? We burn like fired in our time only to be extinguished. To surrender to the elements' eternal reclaim. Matter and gas. Will this all end one day? Life no longer passing to life. The Earth left barren like the stars above, like the cosmos. Will the hand that lit the flame let it burn down, let it burn out? Could we too become extinct? Or if this fire of life living inside us is meant to go on, who decides? Who tends the flames? Can he re-ignite the spark even if it become cold and weak?

This thought only made him think of children. Little children with blue eyes and auburn hair. Ones with stubborn attitudes and porcelain complexions. He had given himself completely to Kathryn Janeway and her cause, without her he would never be complete, with her he would never be happy.

Maybe we do live only to one-day die. What a pitiful existence.


	10. Chapter 10

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

10. Santos VI

Kathryn had been traveling for weeks. She had been trying to get to Santos VI, her destination. This was where she was going to hide out; this was where she was going to stay. It was far away from Chakotay, far away from her daughter, far away from anyone and anything that could deconstruct her house of cards built on an unsteady foundation. She needed to be alone. She needed to forget. She had been traveling on a convoy and as she looked at the Bolian sitting three rows behind her she was sure she had seen him before. She was positive, or maybe she was mistaken. Her memories of the past year were jumbled. So much had happened so fast that she didn't even know here to begin if she were to describe her adventure to anyone.

They arrived at Betazed, it was one of the stops on the way to Santos VI and the Bolian got off. Kathryn had almost begun to be suspicious of the strange man she had yet to meet, but whom she knew instinctively. She banished the thoughts she had going through her mind and watched the man leave. The universe is a very large place and I'll probably never see him again. Get a grip Kathryn. So on she continued, and on went her life.

The Bolian had seen the look of recognition in Kathryn Janeway's eyes. He knew that she recognized him. He had disembarked on Betazed, where Captain Chakotay was supposedly taking a leave. He hoped B'Elanna appreciated it, all his troubles and the favors he had had to pull to appease her troubled mind.

He had first met B'Elanna when they were both a part of the Maquis. She had been on of the most brilliant engineers he had ever worked with. She had saved their butts more times than he could count and for that he owed her. When he had left the Maquis he had told B'Elanna that if she ever needed anything just call him, and finally years later here she was, and here she had called him just as she had promised she would. So he fulfilled his end of the bargain, and perhaps B'Elanna would get her wish, and he could pull one last rabbit out of his hat before he forever retired from the search and salvage business he had built for himself over the years.

/\/\

Chakotay had decided to go to Betazed for his vacation. After the war with the Dominion, he had been granted extended leave. It had been a long time since he had taken any time off, and in Starfleet's opinion he had redeemed himself as a Federation citizen and as a Captain. So here he was: he had six months, and he intended to enjoy every last one of them. He had rented a house on the farthest west continent on the south side. He had been here already two months and his skin had taken on a healthy bronze color, something he had not been privy to in space, and something he had missed, even if he didn't want to admit it.

/\/\

B'Elanna looked at Kearstin. She was, it seemed the epitome of her parents. She had Kathryn's auburn hair and porcelain skin, but the moment you looked into her eyes, you knew who was the father of this delightful child; the daughter of Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay. She knew, and she knew that neither would ever forgive the other for not raising this child themselves.

She called for Tom to come out and help her. She was now nearing her sixth month of pregnancy and had to take care of a few errands before dinnertime. "Tom, can you come and watch Kearstin for a while?"

Tom appeared in the doorway. "Sure B'Elanna, where are you going?"

"Just out." She approached him, handed him the child and gave him a peck on the cheek. "See ya later. I'll be home for supper…promise." She walked out of the house, leaving a rather curious Tom Paris wondering where his wife was headed this late in the afternoon with no explanation of where she was going.

/\/\

B'Elanna had been contacted by her Bolian friend. He had found Chakotay. So B'Elanna traveled to Betazed, she needed to meet him. She had compiled some things for him. She could not come right out and tell him that Kathryn had given birth to his daughter, in fact she could not even tell him Kathryn had a daughter, without suspicions being raised. She could however announce that she had adopted a child, and ask him to come for her baptism. Anything to get him to see this child, for as soon as he did, she knew he would know. She had also finally found some poems; some of them Kathryn had left in the basinet that she had sent with the child, others she had found in her search for the perfect way to prepare Chakotay to meet his destiny.

She reached Betazed and traveled to the location that Zolot; her Bolian friend had marked for her. She approached the small cottage at the edge of the city.  
This was it; this was the end of her quest for their happiness and the end of what she could do for them. She had done all she could to help them out, now they would have to help themselves, she just hoped that all she had done was enough to save them. She knocked on the door, and her ghost appeared to talk to her for the first time in much too long. He looked a few years older and a lot rougher, but this was her Chakotay. Life has not been kind to you my friend, but I'm here to change that.

"It's been far too long Chakotay."

He looked at his long lost friend. He blinked wondering if his eyes were laying tricks on him. "B'Elanna?" He looked her up and down. She's pregnant. He reached out and touched her face. "Is it really you? After all these years?"

B'Elanna let a smile touch her face. "Yeah Chakotay, its me."

Chakotay embraced her in a huge bear hug. B'Elanna was like the daughter he had never had, the daughter he wished he had, the daughter he wished Kathryn had given him. Kathryn, now there was a thought he had pushed aside for a long time out of necessity, not by choice.

B'Elanna got a worried look on her face, and she reached up to touch his face where silent tears fell like raindrops on the pavement on a warm summer's day. Oh Chakotay.

Chakotay realized what had happened and wiped the tears from hi eyes though the rivers on his cheeks remained. "Have you talked to Kathryn lately?"

B'Elanna knew she needed to tell him something, and the pleading look in his eyes begged for answers, but they were answers she couldn't give him. "Yes, I have. I don't know where she is right now. Here," She handed him the envelope, "consider it a gift." She turned to leave and decided to tell him, even if it was against her better judgment, hoping that one day Kathryn would  
understand her actions. "Tom and I adopted another child after Kathryn's death." B'Elanna felt the buried emotions rising again, "we just saw the child alone in the world and, we couldn't leave her alone. We fell in love. You should stop by and visit the family, Chakotay, Harry turned out great, and Kearstin, that's the little girl we adopted, is the cutest. Please come by. I'm sure they'd love to meet you, and Tom would love to see you again."

He could never deny her. "Sure B'Elanna, okay. I'm on leave, so what would you say to mid next week?"

I did it. He'll come. "We were thinking of making you the new baby's godfather…and Kathryn the godmother, after all you both did for us on Voyager…" She stopped when she saw the lost look in his eyes. "Anyway, I  
better get going. See you next week?"

"Yeah B'Elanna, next week. Thanks for stopping by, opening the lines of communication. I need a kick in the rear sometimes."

B'Elanna grinned. "And you know I'm always willing to give you that boot right?"

He nodded. She walked out the door. She could see him in a week when everyone's life would change irrevocably, no doubt for the better. Anything else would be unacceptable, and was not an option. I hope you find peace old man, wherever you are and whatever you end up doing.


	11. Chapter 11

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

11. The Return to Eden

Kathryn had arrived at her destination on Santos VI nearly a month ago. She had completely recovered from the birth, and had actually lost ten pounds on top. It felt good to be the old Kathryn Janeway again. Kathryn had needed to get away from everything. Needed to 'get away' or 'run away'. She felt like her old self again, problem was time had passed and she wasn't the same person she had been, and neither was anyone else. And she couldn't hid from everyone forever.

_I don't need your sympathy__  
__There's nothing you can say or do for me__  
__And I don't want a miracle__  
__You'll never change for no one_

_I hear your reasons why__  
__Where did you sleep last night?__  
__And was it worth it was she worth it?_

I had a miracle. Kearstin was my little miracle. Kearstin was my chance, and I let her slip away. I let her go out of fear, but I will go on…

_'Cos I'm strong enough__  
__To live without you__  
__Strong enough and I quit crying__  
__Long enough now I'm strong enough__  
__To know you gotta go_

You didn't have to go. I forced you away. The lies, the half-truths. The fact that I kept your daughter from you. The fact that I ran out of fear, and out of  
the need to hide my insecurities. I never know what I have, until I lose it, and then I realize it. Some day…

/\/\

Chakotay stayed on Betazed for another ten days. Then he headed for Earth, headed towards baby Kearstin's christening. Funny even in today's world, they still went through the motions; still held on to archaic ceremonies. He knew though, that B'Elanna being who she was, held these ceremonies in great regard, so he went. Besides he would get to see baby Kearstin. He recalled a conversation…

So Kathryn, have you ever thought about having children?

No it's not in the cards for me. Captain and mother, just don't work.

So…you're willing to miss out on ever having children just because you're 'The Captain'?

We all make sacrifices in our lives Chakotay, I made them to get where I am today, and I will continue to make them as long as I have 140 lives dependent on me. It's part of the job, and it is something I accepted long ago. I dealt with the pain, and I dealt with the darkness, and I dealt with the fact that it wasn't in the cards for me.

But Kathryn…

End of story Chakotay.

/\/\

Chakotay felt the tears. Kathryn why'd you have to be so damned stubborn. Why wouldn't you just give us a chance? He had tasted the forbidden fruit, and he wanted more. Despite the fact that she had left him, he would take her back in an instant if she'd let him. Why Kathryn?

I'm not strong enough…

/\/\

Kathryn could feel the pain. Something wasn't right. But she couldn't go back. She had made her decision. She had left her child, her other half and her career. She had nothing left but life itself. But I'm strong enough.

_There's no more to say__  
__So save your breath__  
__And then walk away__  
__No matter what I hear you say__  
__I'm strong enough to know you gotta go_

_So you feel misunderstood__  
__Baby, have I got news for you__  
__On being used, I could write the book__  
__You don't want to hear about it_

Kathryn walked away. She had run away from everything, but there was one thing she couldn't escape. She couldn't run away from herself, and her conscious. She was guilty of cowardice and it was something she would have to contend with until her daying day. Until…

/\/\

Chakotay thought about the flings that he had had since Kathryn had abandoned him. Had they meant anything? Yes he had had relationships, but nothing even close to Kathryn. He had only experienced love once in his lifetime, and he feared he would never experience it again. Kathryn Janeway was his one true love, she was his…

_I've been losing sleep__  
__You've been going cheap__  
__She ain't worth half of me it's true__  
__I'm telling you_

You always told me Kathryn. You were always mine, my life, my world, my eyes to the universe…you were and still are my other half.

_Now I'm strong enough_

But I'm not, I need you.

_Strong enough and I quit crying_

I never stopped loving you, or stopped crying…you are my…

_Long enough now I'm strong enough…__  
__To know you've got to go_

And you did, and now I know…I'm not…

Chakotay sat on the shuttle. He would soon be at B'Elanna's house. He would soon see everything she had that he would never have. He would soon feel more alone than ever, emptier than ever, he would soon see…

/\/\

Kathryn enjoyed her time on Santos VI. It was so much like Earth and she decided she was going to live out her days here. At one time, space had been her one true home, the one place where she felt life and love deeply. Today, she felt nothing. This was not home anymore than space was, or Earth, she could be alone, in peace, in seclusion without anyone here to dispute her, to fight with her, to take away what was hers. Here…whatever she had, she kept and whatever she did, she did without the need for anyone's approval or consent. Here she did not feel peace or love, but she felt something else, she had, unfortunately become accustomed to. She felt nothing, and that was better than the pain, the fear, the longing and the loneliness. She had been lonely all her life without her one true love and without the product of that  
love.

She broke down and cried tears, cried a river for the child who would never know her true parentage and who would live the life of a lie. As her parents had before her, and if the cycle continued (as she dearly hoped it didn't), as he daughter would as well.

_Now I'm strong enough to live without you __  
__Strong enough and I quit crying__  
__Long enough, now I'm strong enough…__  
__To know you've got to go_

_Come hell or waters high__  
__You'll never see me cry__  
__This is our last goodbye, it's true_

_I'm telling you__  
__That I'm strong enough to live without you__  
__Strong enough and I quit crying__  
__Long enough now I'm strong enough__  
__To know you've gotta go_

_There's no more to say__  
__So save your breath__  
__And walk away__  
__No matter what I hear you say__  
__I'm strong enough to know you've gotta go_ (11)

I kept saying that to myself. I kept telling myself this was right, this was for the best, but I don't know anymore. I can't keep going like this. I am an  
emotional creature by nature. This life without love or without really living is making me whither and die. Chakotay, what have I done? Why did I do this?

Because Kathryn, history is repeating itself, and you're retracing your steps from all those years ago with Justin.

Kathryn cried for a long time, she would never forgive herself for what she had done now or in the past. She did not want to think about the children  
that she had let go. She did not want to think about loves lost. All she wanted to do was get on with her life. The problem was there were so many parts  
missing, and she needed to fill in the blanks before the missing threads tore her apart, and she was destroyed along with them.

/\/\

Chakotay felt the sorrow and the pain. He didn't know why really…he was here to see B'Elanna and her children. This should be a happy time for him. He knocked on the door. B'Elanna answered and appeared with the baby leaning on her very pregnant belly. The baby couldn't have been more than a few months old.

"Hello Chakotay. This is Kearstin."

He looked at the child, the hair, and the eyes. There was something familiar about this child but what? "Can I hold her?"

"Sure, Chakotay." She passed the child to Chakotay and the child awoke. She started screaming.

"Sorry, guess I'm not very good with children."

B'Elanna saw the grief stricken and devastated look in his eyes. He had to know, he had to see this child was his. "She's just hot. Hold on a second." B'Elanna reached down and stripped the child down to her diaper then she held the baby close exposing the mark that branded her as Chakotay and Kathryn's daughter. Please see the connection Chakotay.

Chakotay saw the mark on the child's back and was about to ask B'Elanna what had happened to make one so young scarred like this. Then he looked closer and realized he recognized the symbols. It was a tattoo, and he knew who's it was a replica of. He knew the two people who were the parents of this child. There was no other answer. He looked up to B'Elanna with anger  
and fear and hurt.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

B'Elanna didn't know…she just didn't know, and had no answer for him. She passed the child to Chakotay, he looked into the depts. Of her eyes and knew, his suspicions were confirmed. Kathryn had been pregnant when they left Voyager. Kathryn had given birth to this child. Kathryn had abandoned the child, and for this he would never forgive her.


	12. Chapter 12

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

12. Questions and Answers

_The clock of life is wound but once__  
__And no man has the power__  
__To tell just when the hand might stop__  
__At late or early hour_

_Now is the only time you own__  
__Live, love and toil with a will__  
__Place no faith in tomorrow__  
__For the clock may then be still _(12)

Chakotay thought about the words. The words passed to him by B'Elanna. The words describing the nature of relationships, life and love. This was one that had been chosen. These were B'Elanna's chosen first words for Chakotay, and simultaneously Kathryn. These were the words his old friend was sure would help bring them together. He was finally getting the chance to  
re-read and to think about their meaning. The unfortunate part was how accurate those words were in so many ways he didn't want them to be accurate. They were accurate in the fact that he had wasted time, and there were things he could never go back on and never re-accomplish. These words were good in other ways…he had lived, he had loved and he had been happy, for a short period of time. He had loved Kathryn, and now he had the product of their affections: Little Kearstin. Thing was, no matter how hard he tried to forget who's child this was, he couldn't. The child was forever branded and claimed as his and Kathryn's no matter how much he did or did not want to remember.

_Two roads diverge in a yellow wood,__  
__And sorry I could not travel both__  
__And be one traveler, long I stood__  
__And looked down the one as far as I could__  
__To where it bent in the undergrowth;_

_Then the other, as just as fair,__  
__And having perhaps a better claim,__  
__Because it was grassy and wanted wear;__  
__Through as for that the passing there__  
__Had worn them really about the same,_

_And both that morning equally lay__  
__In leaves not steps had trodden black.__  
__Oh, I kept the first for another day!__  
__Yet knowing how way lead on to way,__  
__I doubted if I should ever come back._

_I shall be telling this with a sigh__  
__Somewhere ages and ages hence;__  
__Two roads diverged in a wood and I –__  
__I took the one less traveled by,__  
__And that has made all the difference_ (13)

Paths, choices…lives lost and possibly avoided for what? Why tempt fate? But under the same notion, why believe in it at all. If there were two roads, which would I choose? Which did I choose? Why did I do this to myself? Why did she do this to me? What did I do to her that she believed in necessary to hid something like this from me?

I need to know what happened to her while my life was embroiled in Section 31.

He looked further down and saw a piece of paper. It had two words on it: Tau Ceti. What did it mean? Why had B'Elanna written those two words on this paper? He needed to find out what that meant. What was the meaning of 'Tau Ceti?'

He left and took Kearstin with him. He went to the Starfleet archives, there had to be something there. He arrived at Headquarters and went to the archives. Nothing. On that day all those years ago, there were surprisingly few entries. In fact that whole mission had very few and very sparse entries. My god Kathryn, what did they put you through?

He looked at Kearstin. The young, the innocent face of a child who had been left behind. A child who was suffering past the events of her parents…a child who might still be saved.

Chakotay knew how Starfleet was, and he knew that there were more than likely things that had been left out of those log entries. He also knew that these were more than likely classified and that they explained her actions, and gave the answers to questions he had yet to ask. Kearstin started fussing in his arms.

Chakotay started singing in a low baritone voice. A soft sultry voice, that was soft and peaceful but which demanded attention.

_Hush little baby, don't you cry __  
__Daddy's gonna sing you a lullaby__  
__Hush little darling, don't you weep__  
__Close your eyes and go to sleep_

_You're gonna have lots of pretty toys__  
__Gonna learn how to play with all the girls and boys__  
__Never gonna learn what it means to hate__  
__Hush, little baby, just you wait_

_You're gonna build a brand new world__  
__Where people will live side by side__  
__Gonna teach them all how to love__  
__Teach them all not to hide inside_

_Hust little baby, sleep and dream__  
__Oh a whole new world like you've never seen__  
__A world where all your cares pass by__  
__To the gentle tune of a lullaby._ (14)

The baby had quieted by the time he had finished the song. He had once heard Kathryn since the original song to Naomi Wildman. Kathryn had the most beautiful voice. She had a strong voice, a lovely voice; he hoped his daughter had inherited some of Kathryn's better traits. Every time he looked at her he saw in Kearstin, Kathryn's beauty and intelligence. One day, he would realize what had happened and he would find her, find his love and re-unite his family. Together forever more, in body, mind and soul.

He knew what he had to do. He went to Starfleet headquarters to ask his admiral advisor all the favors he had collected over the past year. Approximately 8 months ago, he had saved the admiral's daughter from the Cardassians. Admiral Johanis had told Chakotay if he ever needed anything all he had to do was ask.

/\/\

He approached the admiral's office. He still held Kearstin who slept peacefully in the basinet he had acquired from B'Elanna. He looked at her so peaceful. If only you knew little one. He rang the chime, and awaited an answer. He got one from the lieutenant who manned the desk. "Admiral Johanis' office. What can I do for you?"

"I need to speak with him. It's very important."

"He's extremely busy right now can I…"

"Tell him it's Captain Chakotay. He'll see me."

There was a silence over the comm. line. He heard her leave. He heard a sound of muffled words, then the woman returning to the desk. "The Admiral will see you now."

Chakotay entered the office and met the man. "I assume you need something Chakotay."

"You could say that."

"When did you become a father Chakotay?" He looked at the child. "She's beautiful."

"Thank you. Yes I need to redeem that favor you promised me." He looked deep into the admiral's eyes."I need to know what happened to Kathryn Janeway at Tau Ceti."


	13. Chapter 13

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

13. Truths

"I need to know what happened to Kathryn Janeway at Tau Ceti."

The Admiral looked at the man in front to him. Chakotay was in pain and the Admiral knew that all those months ago he had promised Chakotay the world for the life of his daughter. Now, here he was ready to collect. How was he supposed to know that Kathryn Janeway, daughter of the Starfleet admiral, Starfleet golden girl and this ex-Maquis would become close friends and possibly even…

Admiral Johanis looked hard at the child. Chakotay's eyes, but there was something else…

"This is Kathryn's child isn't it?"

Chakotay saw the wheels turning and realized he knew. He knew Kathryn. He knew her well; he knew things about her that Chakotay had to know. "I'm going to ask you again Admiral. What happened to Kathyrn Janeway at  
Tau Ceti?"

The Admiral hesitated, then realized he owed Chakotay at least that much. "The files were sealed Chakotay. They were sealed…end of story. The case was closed never to be re-opened or reviewed again."

"What happened to her Admiral? I need to know. If you can't tell me because I'm fleet…I'll resign, but I need to know." Chakotay was yelling at this point.

Admiral Johanis watched the emotions play across Chakotay's face. I hope you know what you're getting yourself into Chakotay.

"There was a horrible accident…"

/\/\

Kathryn cried a thousand tears and when she quieted, she started all over again. Her child would be nearly three months old now. Little Kearstin, her little angel. An angel with her father's eyes. This little darling contained so much of both of them. It was her life and his combined in beautiful purpose and perfection. Kathryn missed her baby and she missed Chakotay, but she had turned over that page and closed that chapter of her life forever, just as she had all those years ago with Justin. If history is mean to repeat itself as it seems it is, why ust only the darkness and the tragedy haunt my dreams and my life? She began yet another day. Another day alone and empty; Writing the book, and repeating the hurt as she went.

/\/\

"It was the most terrible tragedy of that time." He knew how much Kathryn's father and her fiancé had meant to her. He regretted that such a wonderful  
person had been hurt, but it had been no one's fault."They hadn't thought even Kathryn would survive the brutalities of the accident. And how was anyone supposed to have known she was pregnant at the time? Kathryn's father had brought her and her fiancé on a test run of a prototype craft." Admiral Johanis knew these revelations could only destroy Chakotay or make  
him a better and stronger person. He hoped for that child's sake, it was the latter.

"Kathryn had always thought the crash was an accident, but it wasn't. They had been testing the cloak, they were working on. Section 31 was trying to  
perfect it." Chakotay's eyes were widening with understanding. He was starting to put the pieces together. He was starting to realize there really was  
no end to the lies. And the point at which the lies ended and the truth began was not a clean-cut line between black and white, but rather a fuzzy gray  
barrier.

"They had perfected the cloak, but they wanted to test out the new missiles they thought they could use with the cloak on. Kathryn and her father, their ship had been the random target to test the missile. The one they were after was Justin." He was now revealing thing to Chakotay that were never meant to be spoken and he knew his life was over, but he did it for Kathryn. She had been through things in her life no one should ever have to endure. "Kathryn, her father…they were expendable. The work her father was doing…Section 31 was twenty years ahead of him."

Chakotay looked at the person, the Admiral he had thought he had known. What a joke, but then again he thought he had known Kathryn Janeway as well. "So they were killed? And it was assumed that Kathryn would have perished. This was their assumption, that she would have died?"

"Yes, that was the assumption, unfortunately, that wasn't how the events unfolded."

Chakotay was beyond angry. "Unfortunately? How could you say that? How can anyone say that? A life is a life no matter how small, or seemingly insignificant! Kathryn's, her father's, that of the child she was carrying and Justin's. They were all important and significant. No matter what Section 31 thought. What gives you the right? How could anyone in or affiliated with Starfleet ever think anything else?" He eyed the Admiral. "What happened to the child?"

"The child was adopted by a Starfleet family. His name was Christopher. He was killed, an innocent in the battle of Wolf 359. He was aboard the Excalibur with his family when the Borg attacked."

Chakotay felt his eyes watering. He looked down at Kearstin. He loved her so much, and he felt sorry for the child who had died a senseless death. "I only have one question," Chakotay hesitated if only for a moment. "Why?"

The Admiral had no answers. He wasn't sure anymore if it was his answer and his opinion or the one that had been brainwashed into him since the day he had been unwittingly recruited, against his will by Section 31."It was for the good of the people. For the good of the Federation. For the good of your children and mine and theirs after them."

Chakotay was so full of hatred at that moment he could have killed. It was not in his nature and it was not something, an impulse he had ever before  
experienced, but all of a sudden he realized how serial killers, soldiers, how they could justify their acts. "You're a fool Admiral, and you're a hypocrite.  
And I hope I never become like you, because on that day, the day we all become what you are…humanity has reached a state of being that should never be achieved. At that point evolution will have stopped and life will begin to revert. I hate what you are and what you represent."

With that he handed the Admiral his pips and walked out of Fleet headquarters. Now he remembered why he had left Starfleet in the first place. He needed to find Kathryn. He needed to get her; his life and his family back together before it was too late.

He pulled out the final sheet of paper B'Elanna had handed him. It was just about empty save a name and some coordinates. It read: Santos VI, heading 289.4.


	14. Chapter 14

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

14. Ever Present Doubts

_When I was young__  
__I never needed anyone__  
__And making love was just for fun__  
__Those days are gone__  
__Livin' alone__  
__I think of all the friends I've known__  
__When I dial the telephone__  
__Nobody's home_

_All by myself__  
__Don't wanna be__  
__All by myself__  
__Anymore_

_Had to be sure__  
__Sometimes I feel so insecure__  
__And loves so distant and obscure__  
__Remains the cure_

_All by myself__  
__Don't wanna be__  
__All by myself__  
__Anymore__  
__All by myself__  
__Don't wanna be__  
__All by myself__  
__Anymore_

_When I was young__  
__I never needed anyone__  
__And making love was just for fun__  
__Those days are gone_

_All by myself__  
__Don't wanna be__  
__All by myself__  
__Anymore__  
__All by myself__  
__Don't wanna live__  
__By myself, by myself__  
__Anymore__  
__By myself__  
__Anymore__  
__All by myself__  
__Don't wanna live__  
__I never, never, never__  
__Needed anyone_ (15)

Until now…

Kathryn had fallen into a deep depression. She lived from day to day, waiting for a miracle; waiting for an impossibility; waiting for something that would never happen. Just waiting.

I could have been so happy, if only I could have seen beyond the bow of the ship. If only I could have seen past my own insecurities. If only…

She lay down and cried, she cried, as it seemed she had for most of the past three months. She remembered the time she had spent pregnant. The feel of their child within her moving. The hope and the joy for a better time. The realization, that this would all one-day end, and some day soon.

Kathryn had lived, Kathryn had loved, and Kathryn had lost. The worst possible outcome for a life full of joy. What had happened? At what point had she lost sight of who she was and who she would be? When had she decided that she would not follow the path of a family and a home and a heart? Had she made it for a valid reason? Or, were her decisions made out of fear? She knew the answer. She hated who she had become, she hated what she had done, but most of all she hated the fact that she had robbed herself of a life full of happiness and promise for the days to come. That day, as she walked by the shores on Santos VI she made a decision. She made a final entry for whoever might find it, and approached the ledge, ready to step through the doorway to the next life. Ready to leap to the existence beyond the one she had lived and failed at miserably. She had threatened, ruined and destroyed  
her life all at her own hands and now she was going to end it all in the same fashion.

_All by myself_

_Don't wanna be_

_Don't want to live_

/\/\

Chakotay had left Starfleet headquarters. He had headed home and changed, never to wear the red and black of Starfleet again. This part of his life was  
over. Today he would meet up with Kathryn and pick his life up where he had left off a year ago. The last encounter he and Kathryn had had. He silently sent out thanks to B'Elanna for all she had done. Then he sent out a prayer to Kathryn that wherever she was, she was indeed okay.

/\/\

Kathryn peered over the ledge; she looked at the rocks below. Can I do it? She wasn't sure if she was capable iof ending a life, even if it was hers…

/\/\

Chakotay searched the Star Charts and had eventually managed to pinpoint a planet called Santos VI. He had managed to get his hands on a small ship and had headed that way, precious cargo with him. "I love you Kearstin. I want you never to forget that." He stroked the child's tender cheek then went back to piloting the ship. The child gurgled happily in his arms. My, what a happy baby. "That's right baby, we're going to find mommy."

She laughed, almost as if she understood his words. "You're going to be a smart girl, just like you're mamma aren't you Kearstin." He laughed at the look of awe in the child's eyes. "Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes and things will be back the way they should be honey."

/\/\

Kathryn had thought about it for a long time. She figured she had been up there already an hour. She was wearing Chakotay's favorite dress. "I hope you're happy Chakotay. You did it, you destroyed the 'indestructible Kathryn Janeway'," She yelled out. She knew no one heard her, but she cried out anyway. She had tears rolling down her cheeks. She stood up and walked to the edge. At that moment, time stopped for Kathryn…

/\/\

Chakotay had landed the shuttle. He walked out with Kearstin sleeping peacefully in his arms, unaware of the horrors of life around her. He heard a loud scream. It sounded like Kathryn; he remembered her voice as if it were only yesterday he had last heard it. He knew her, he needed her and he loved her. He quickened hi pace to a full-scale run.

/\/\

This is it Kathryn. She remembered what today was. It was exactly a year ago today that they had conceived Kearstin. Happy Anniversary, Kathryn. She approached the ledge for the final time. She got ready to leap and end it all.

/\/\

Chakotay saw a shadow of a person in the distance. He recognized the long auburn hair. When he looked carefully she was painfully thin. She was on the edge of a precipice. God…no, Kathryn.

"Kathryn…"

/\/\

Kathryn heard a voice. She knew the voice. Her mind was playing tricks on her. "No! It's over."

She felt a tug on her dress and spun around to see a ghost. "Chakotay?!" Kathryn rubbed her eyes. This wasn't real. This wasn't happening. No.

She tried to tear herself away and run to the cliff, but he wouldn't let her. She looked down and saw the carrier. She saw her baby. The child had grown a fine down of auburn hair and her eyes, her eyes were still the same.

"Kathryn, it's me, what are you doing? I'm here."

"It's not you. It can't be. He left me a year ago. He left Kearstin, and me…and you're my mind playing tricks on me. Just let me go, let me be."

Chakotay looked at her. He didn't know what to do. This was not the Kathryn he had known. Did I do this to her? Or did Starfleet do this to her. Starfleet and Section 31. and…

"Kathryn I never left you. Starfleet made me leave. They told me you were okay. They told me you had been given a promotion. They lied to me, just like they lied to you." Chakotay saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes. He saw a glimmer of the Kathryn he had learned to love peek through. "They lied to you about me, about Justin, about your father. About Section 31…about everything." He approached her, he saw her begin to shy away from him. "Kathryn, I love you."

Chakotay looked at her face. She still looked unsure. Then he remembered. He had brought with him, one of the recordings that Kathryn had left for the child in the bassinet. Chakotay had especially liked this one. It seemed so appropriate to his and Kathryn's situation and it was true. He played the son, and hoped it was enough.

_Somewhere there's a river__  
__Looking for a stream__  
__Somewhere there's a dreamer__  
__Looking for a dream__  
__Somewhere there's a drifter__  
__Trying to find his way__  
__Somewhere someone's waiting__  
__To hear somebody say_

He saw the play of emotions run across her face. She was a dreamer. As of late, she was a drifter. Finally, she was waiting, waiting to hear the words. Waiting for someone to believe in her, to stop hurting her. To love her. The song continued.

_I believe in you__  
__I can't even count the ways that__  
__I believe in you__  
__All I want to do is help you to__  
__Believe in you_

I want to help you Kathryn. I need you to see that I believe and I want to help you and I never stopped loving you.

_Somewhere there's an angel__  
__Trying to earn his wings__  
__Somewhere there's a silent voice__  
__Learning how to sing__  
__Some of us can't move ahead__  
__We're paralyzed with fear__  
__And everybody's listening__  
__'Cause we all need to hear_

We all need to hear it. We all need to be told. Chakotay yelled over top of the noise as he approached her, as he got closer. "Kathryn, I believe in you. I want to help you. I need you to k now that this is the truth. And I'm not the only one who needs you." He approached Kathryn, the words of the song resounding in the background.

_I believe in you__  
__I can't even count the ways that__  
__I believe in you__  
__And all I want to do is help you to__  
__Believe in you_

He handed the child to Kathryn. She shied away…

_I will hold you up__  
__I will help you stand__  
__I will comfort you when you need a friend__  
__I will be the voice that's call out_

"Life is calling out to you Kathryn. Take a hold of it." He placed the child a little closer to Kathryn. "She needs you Kathryn, damn it. If you won't do it  
for me, do it for her. She's an innocent."

Kathryn looked at the child asleep in his arms. She smelled the new baby smell. She realized she ached to hold the tiny creature. She needed to see her child. She needed to watch her grow up. "I want…"

_I believe in you__  
__I can't even count the ways that__  
__I believe in you__  
__And all iI want to do is show you__  
__I believe in you__  
__And there are just so many ways that__  
__I believe in you__  
__Baby, what else can I do but believe in you – believe in you__  
__All I want to know is you believe in you – believe in you_ (16)

Kathryn slowly reached for the child, taking the first step. "She's so heavy. Have I been gone for that long?" Kathryn investigated every part of the child.  
Finally she flipped the child over and looked for the mark. The mark of them, the mark of…

"Chakotay, is it really you? Is it really her? I love you. I've dreamed of this moment since the day I found out I was pregnant. I'm sorry I kept her from you, I'm sorry I lied to you, I'm…"

He reached for them both. He enveloped them in a hug full of promise. "Kathryn, it doesn't matter anymore. I believe in you, I've found you and I love you, and that's all that matters. From this day on, no more lies. No more hidden truths. And, for the record, and for all times, I always believed in you."

Kathryn looked in the direction of her 'home'. She was ready to re-initialize her life. To take command. "It's time to go home Chakotay."

The couple left their hell, and headed for heaven. There was a long road of healing ahead but they would make it. Love and belief would conquer all, and  
Kathryn and Chakotay had both.


	15. Chapter 15

Published in Unicorn Press. Editor: Nancy Border & Pat  
Hayden.

You can buy it from Unicorn Press  
http://members. You know it, I know it, I don't own idea  
of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

Date With Destiny II

of Star Trek: Voyager. I just own the story.

15. An Answer and an Ending

_Is it getting better__  
__Or do you feel the same__  
__Will it make it easier on you__  
__Now you go someone to blame_

_You say__  
__One love__  
__One life__  
__When it's one need__  
__In the night__  
__It's one love__  
__We get to share it__  
__It leaves you baby__  
__If you don't care for it_

_Did I disappoint you?__  
__Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?__  
__You act like you never had love__  
__And you want to go without_

_Well it's too late__  
__Tonight__  
__To drag the past out__  
__Into the light__  
__We're one__  
__But we're not the same__  
__We get to carry each other__  
__One_

_Have you come here for forgiveness__  
__Have you come to raise the dead__  
__Have you come here to play Jesus__  
__To the lepers in your head__  
__Did I ask too much__  
__More than a lot__  
__You gave me nothing__  
__Now it's all I got__  
__We're one__  
__But we're not the same__  
__We hurt each other__  
__Then we do it again_

_You say__  
__Love is a temple__  
__Love a higher law__  
__Love is a temple__  
__Love the higher law__  
__You ask me to enter__  
__And then you make me crawl__  
__And I can't be holding on__  
__To what you got__  
__When all you got is hurt_

_One love__  
__One blood__  
__One life__  
__You got to do what you should_

_One life__  
__With each other__  
__Sisters__  
__Brothers_

_One life__  
__But we're not the same__  
__We get to carry each other__  
__Carry each other_

_One_ (17)

One

We were one. Then we were separated, and then we were none. Finally we have re-established the bond that bound us through thick and thin on Voyager. The savior of life and love; our connection to one another. I only with I'd seen it sooner, and hadn't missed out…

But as it always does, life continues. As we always do, we go on.

Kathryn read the poem she recognized as her own choice from those months ago when she had left Kearstin with B'Elanna and Tom. Then she read on and  
saw the words, which were Chakotay's and that, described everything she felt as well as what he believed. That was when she knew that it was now right. That life was as it should be. That they needed to explain and to tell.

"Chakotay…" She wasn't sure how to say it, or what to say…she just knew they needed to open the lines of communication. Kathryn remembered her words of years ago. Her words when she was still on Voyager. Her words when she was in control, and now it was time to take control once more. "Do you know when we made our mistake? It was the moment we turned away from each other." There was a pause, a hesitation on Kathryn's part. She looked at Chakotay and saw the recognition.

"Kathryn…"

"We have to resolve this Chakotay. We have to get back on track, but before we can do that there are things we have to discuss. Issues we have to resolve."

Chakotay grinned. This was the Kathryn he had fallen in love with the day he had first seen her on the viewscreen of his small Maquis vessel. This was the  
Kathryn that Kearstin would learn to live from. This was his Kathryn, the one, no matter how hard he tried he could not live without. "I know, Kathryn, I know. Welcome back."

Kathryn led the way back to her humble home. She put Kearstin to sleep. Then they sat on her couch and waited. Each waited for the other to make the first move. This is ridiculous. Kathryn took charge, she felt alive for the first time in a long time. "So Chakotay, what happened to you after we got home?"

"Lot's of things happened. Starfleet lied to both of us I think. I was given a captaincy. I was given all the things you should have been offered. Then cam the ordeal with Section 31. They took me 'under their wing' so to speak. Although, I could have done without that particular chapter in my life. They took me from you, they took Justin from you, they took your father, Kearstin. Kathryn, do you realize that I admire and respect you so much for just enduring what you have…"

Kathryn heard the words but didn't understand. What did events of years ago have to do with today? "Chakotay? What does Justin, and my father…what do they have to do with any of this?"

Chakotay looked down at the floor. "They caused you so much pain. Let's no rehash things."

Kathryn stood up and approached him. "Chakotay…I need to know."

"Kathryn it's not…"

"Chakotay, listen to me. I have to know. Tell me…please."

Chakotay considered it. He began with the accident at Tau Ceti. "Kathryn, Justin was part of Section 31, but just like me, I doubt if he had much choice in the matter." Chakotay looked up to see tears forming in Kathryn's eyes. This was going to be hard on her, but she had to know. "He was the reason the shuttle was blown up Kathryn. None of you were supposed to survive."

Kathryn was shocked. All her life she had believed in Starfleet. Believed it was for the good of everyone. Believed it was for the good of a nation so to speak, and here she was being told it had all been a lie. She had lived a lie. But there were good points. This lie had resulted in her meeting Chakotay. It had ended with her giving birth to a beautiful daughter. It had led to her being completely in love and happy. And no matter what, she would always have those things…no matter what was thrown her way. They could not take her life from her, not again.

"Chakotay…it doesn't matter…what matters is now. The fact that I am with you. That I love you…"

"Kathryn, I'm not done. There is more you need to know." Chakotay recounted all he knew and had ever known of Section 31. This weighed heavily on him and on Kathryn. He finished and knew that it had lifted a great weight from him, and to a certain extent it had set him free.

"Kathryn there is one more thing I have to tell you. One last thing you have to know."

"What is it Chakotay?"

"It's about Christopher."

Kathryn paled noticeably. Christopher. I haven't heard his name in a long time. Ioved him too. "What about him?" Her lips were quivering.

Time to close another chapter Kathryn. "He died Kathryn. They told me…"

He hated to see her in pain like this. He felt the tears coursing down his cheeks now too. He knew she believed him but was just lashing out at him.  
"Kathryn, they showed me his death certificate. They told me of…"

Chakotay, it can't be. They can't take everything from me. It's not fair. Everyone I have ever loved has suffered because of me. Anyone I have ever been close to has left me, in one way or another…"

Chakotay saw her tormented soul. "Kathryn. I'm still here. Kearstin's still here. It's not your fault." He caught her before she fell. He let her cry out years of pain and anguish. He let her release all the demons of her many years. He let her let go of all the pain and the suffering. He held her and comforted her, and knew that everything would be okay; for she now had  
the answers she had needed for much of her life. "Shh…Kathryn, I'll always be here for you. You will never need another to catch you when you fall. I will always be here for you."

She seemed to have been comforted by that and slowly let the tears subside.

He lifted her chin up so that she was facing him, and looking straight into his eyes. "Thank you, Chakotay. Without you, I would die…from the inside out."

Chakotay smiled. "Now are you going to tell me what happened to you during that year? I mean aside from getting kicked out of Starfleet, leaving Earth and  
having a baby." Chakotay grinned. He meant it in a kind way, trying to free them both from the shackles of life. He looked over to see a smile appear on  
Kathryn's face.

"Chakotay, I tried to find you. I loved you so much…I wanted to find you so badly. I thought I couldn't survive without you."

Chakotay held onto her tighter. She was like his lifeline and he needed to hold on tight and never let her go. "Kathryn, slow down. What happened to you  
during that year?"

Kathryn drew in a deep breath and started her story. She told of how she had been afraid when he had left. About how she didn't know what happened to any of her crew. She told of the fact that she had been the scapegoat for all the so-called tragedies that had happened in the Delta Quadrant. She recounted how unfair it had felt, but how glad she was that most of her crew had been unharmed, and had been given their proper, must deserved ranks aboard other ships. Most of all she was glad when none of them ended up  
suffering for her misdeeds and wrongdoings.

"Then I found out I was pregnant, Chakotay. I knew right away who the father was. I knew it was you, I never betrayed you, and since you left me, I have never known another."

Chakotay strengthened his hold on her. "I know Kathryn, I know and I love you. That will never change."

"I know, but…" Kathryn drew in a deep breath. Steadying herself for the discussion about everything she had known in the past year. "I was lost. I didn't know what to do. I was about five months pregnant when I made my way to see my sister. I hadn't seen her in so long. I had gone to visit my mother, she had been glad to see me, then I went to see Phoebe. Instead I met her husband." Kathryn started crying all over again. "He wouldn't let me see her. He acted as if I was a criminal. He threw me out of her house. He told me if I ever came near her again…" Kathryn couldn't finish her sentence. It was too hard. "I…"

"Kathryn, it's over there's nothing you can do. Your sister is fine I'm sure. I am also sure if he had told her that you visited she would want to see you."

"Chakotay, I caused them so much pain. I caused everyone so much pain." She looked down at her feet. "Anyway, then I went to see Tom and B'Elanna, and I told them what I had planned, and that's when my life changed forever. Four months later I handed my child over and never expected to see her again."

Chakotay quieted the woman in front of him. "Kathryn, everything is going to be alright now. We're back together, your…no our daughter is here. I say we make our way back to Earth and to our lives."

Kathryn nodded. She picked up her daughter and they made their way back to the shuttle. She left behind all the stuff she had acquired and taken with her to  
Santos VI. She was off to make a new life with her love.

Yet another chapter forever closed.

/\/\

Chakotay still had connections, his departure from Starfleet not yet general knowledge. He called for transport and took himself, Kathryn and his daughter back home to Earth. They decided they would settle in what was formerly England for a while. Kathryn loved the culture there, and she wanted to expose Kearstin to everything she possibly could.

/\/\

One day three months later, when Kearstin was six months old, Chakotay told Kathryn he needed to go out for a few hours, he had some business that he had to take care of. He boarded a hovercraft, and he made his way to the transport site. He appeared some time later in Indiana, close to where Kathryn had grown up.

He proceeded to Kathryn's mother's house where Phoebe and her husband now lived. He rang the bell and waited. A woman answered the door; she looked so much like Kathryn, only younger. Same auburn hair, same deep blue eyes, same structure. This must be Phoebe.

"Hi. You must be Phoebe. My name is Chakotay. I worked with Kathryn when she was aboard Voyager. Could I speak with your husband please?"

Phoebe had a strange almost haunted look on her face. "Jasper? Why do you need to speak to him?"

Phoebe just stepped inside the house, not sure what she should do. "Jasper! There's someone at the door who wants to talk to you." She returned to the spot where Chakotay stood. "Is Kathryn alive? Is she well?"

Chakotay realized that her sister was very much in the dark. "Yes, she is fine. She is alive and well and I'm sure some day she will come back to talk to you.  
She's just going through some emotional times right now."

Phoebe turned to leave as Jasper approached. She turned around. "Chakotay, if you see her…tell her I love her, I always will…and I miss her terribly. Give  
her my best wishes." With that, Phoebe stepped away from her last lifeline to her sister.

"Hello can I help you with something? I don't believe we've met."

Chakotay took a deep breath trying to calm himself. "No we haven't met, but you have met Kathryn Janeway. You hurt her, and for that I will never forgive you. I just wanted you to know that. Phoebe wants to see her,  
and I won't stop her, and if you do, god help you."

The man laughed. "What are you going to do? Kill me? I know who you are. I know what you've done. You were a Maquis; you hurt and killed countless people. All I have to say is you don't scare me, and I won't let Kathryn Janeway anywhere near this house."

"You know…Phoebe knows she's alive, and she's going to want to see her. So next time she drops by, you'd better have a better welcoming for her." Chakotay turned to leave.

"Was that a threat Commander? I don't respond well to terrorists, or men without a shred of honor or dignity."

Chakotay couldn't take it anymore. He turned and grabbed the man's shirt and slammed him into the wall. He got very close and said the words, almost in a whisper. "You listen to me. If you ever hurt Kathryn again, if you ever hurt either of them again, I will hunt you down and make you pay for what you've done."

He dropped the stunned man to the floor and left, hoping never to see the vile son of a bitch ever again.

/\/\

Kathryn had taken the time while Chakotay was out of town to take a visit to the doctor. If her suspicions were right, and she had every reason to believe they were, there would be an addition to their family. She needed to talk to Chakotay about something more permanent for a family situation. It would happen, of that she was sure. She had never been more positive of anything, except the fact that she loved Chakotay and needed him in her life.

/\/\

Chakotay stopped by Mrs. Janeway's house on the way into town to the transport site. He had spoken with her many weeks ago; he had asked if she would approve his marriage to her eldest daughter. She had said yes, and she had offered him the engagement ring which had bene in the family for years and which was always passed on to the oldest daughter. So he went to the Janeway house.

"Mrs. Janeway, how are you?"

She looked at him in stunned silence. She had begun to wonder if it were a dream. The dashing man coming to her daughter's rescue. A wedding proposal. "Chakotay?"

He grinned and showed off his dimples and nodded. She knew why her daughter had fallen head over heels for this man. He was beautiful, and kind and generous.

"I have to get back to our home. I left Kathryn with Kearstin and told her I'd be back in a little while."

"I have the ring." She handed him the box containing the engagement ring. "Do come by with my grand-daughter. I'd love to meet her."

Chakotay smiled. "I promise, we will. I just dropped by because I had some things I had to take care of here in Indiana."

Mrs. Janeway was pretty sure she knew what these things were. "Alright, well you'd better be going. My daughter doesn't like to be left waiting."

"I know, I know." So he left to meet Kathryn and tell her of all the things which had happened.

/\/\

Kathryn waited. The doctor scanned her. "Well Kathryn. I found the problem. The reason why you've been so tired is that you're pregnant."

Kathryn smiled. "Thank you, that's wonderful."

"Anytime dear."

Kathryn picked Kearstin up and practically ran home. She wanted to be home before Chakotay arrived.

/\/\

Chakotay walked in the door to find Kathryn on the floor in the living room waiting for him, playing with his daughter. He ran into the room and swept Kathryn off her feet. "Kathryn I need to ask you something." He put her down on the couch. He reached into his pocket and procured the ring. "Kathryn…will you marry me?"

Kathryn had tears of joy running down her face. "Of course I will, silly. Would I give you another child if I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with you?"

Chakotay's eyes widened with shock. "You're pregnant?"

She nodded and he swept her into large bear hug. "When? How?"

He laughed and picked up Kearstin."You're going to have a baby brother or sister honey. How does that sound?" The baby gurgled and smiled at her father. "Kathryn, I think she approves."

"Well I hope so, t here really isn't much we can do about it now is there?" The family sat and basked in the knowledge that there would soon be an addition to the family.

/\/\

Three months later Kathryn was waiting in the church. It was her day. It was her wedding day. She had been engaged two times prior, but this was the only time she had truly ever been in love.

B'Elanna had arrived and was serving as her matron of honor. Kathryn missed her days on board Voyager. She missed a lot of things, but she would not trade what was now her life for anything. She felt the child inside her stir. "Shh, it's alright little one. Everything will be fine." She rubbed her belly through the white satin dress she wore. She had had it made with an empire waist to be sure to accommodate her expanding figure.

B'Elanna watched Kathryn from the doorway. I'm glad they're finally happy. "Come on Kathryn, it's time."

Kathryn grinned and walked into her new life.

/\/\

She was lying in bed. The child had been restless all day. Now here she was in bed, trying to sleep. Tomorrow would be interesting she was most sure of it. Now, at almost nine months pregnant, Kathryn was anxious to get the child out and into it's own habitat.

Chakotay lay beside her, and realized she was not asleep as she should be, but rather watching him sleep. He felt her watching. "Kathryn, you should really be sleeping and not watching me sleep."

"I know, but you're such a lovely sight for my eyes, Chakotay."

He laughed and reached out to wrap his arms around her. He felt a wetness beside him and looked up to see the fear in Kathryn's eyes. "Well Chakotay, looks like our time's up."

Twelve hours later Kathryn lay in the hospital with their new son in her arms. Chakotay walked in to see the baby. "Chakotay, I want to name him after three people who have made such a difference in my life."

Chakotay looked at his wife. She looked tired, but happy. "All right Kathryn, you're choice."

She looked at him. I hope you like the name I picked Chakotay. "Chakotay, I want you to meet your son. Christopher Thomas Justin Janeway."

/\/\

Two months later, they traveled to Indiana. It was time to present their children to the family. Kathryn had lost most of the baby weight, and she was wearing an emerald green dress that showed off her figure. It had easy access so she had no problems breast-feeding the little boy. They knocked on the door. Chakotay held Kearstin who was nearly 17 months old.

The woman opened the door to see Kathryn holding an infant in a blue sleeper.

"Kathryn?"

"Hi mom." Both women had tears running down their cheeks. "It's been too long." She handed the child to her mother. "Meet Christopher. And this," she pointed to the child in Chakotay's arms, "is Kearstin."

"Kathryn, they're beautiful." The little girl looked like her mother save the dark eyes of her father. The little boy was the spitting image of her father,  
except for the light hair and piercing blue eyes. "When did all this happen?"

"It's been an interesting journey mom, but I'm finally where I want to be."

She hugged her mother and reached for Christopher. Her mother wouldn't let Kathryn have him back. "Kathryn, I want to spoil him as much as I can, and  
Kearstin too. Let me hold him a while longer."

Kathryn smiled, life was good and everything was finally perfect.

_See the stone set in your eyes__  
__See the thorn twist in your side__  
__I wait for you__  
__Sleight of hand and twist of fate__  
__On a bed of nails she makes me wait__  
__And I wait…without you_

_With or without you__  
__With or without you_

_Through the storm we reach the shore__  
__You give it all but I want more__  
__And I'm waiting for you__  
__I'm waiting_

_With or without you__  
__With or without you__  
__I can't live__  
__With or without you_

_And you give yourself away__  
__And you give yourself away__  
__And you give__  
__And you give__  
__And you give yourself away_

_My hands are tied__  
__My body bruised, she's got me with__  
__Nothing left to win__  
__And nothing else to lose_

_With or without you__  
__With or without you__  
__I can't live__  
__With or without you_ (18)

THE END


End file.
